Continuing the trend toward making air travel a flying commercial to which you must be securely fastened, US Airways has decided to sell advertising space on barf bags.
“They’re in every back seat pocket,” a company spokesperson told Associated Press. “We figure while it’s there, why don’t we make it multipurpose?”
Exactly. Which begs a question (other than why it took so long to see the potential of branding something that desperate people throw up in while amused passengers look on).
If a cash-strapped, publicly traded airline can create new revenue streams from barf bags, then doesn’t it have a fiduciary responsibility to shareholders to not stop there?
Airplanes have lots of multipurpose real estate beyond the magazine, TV screen and tray table. There are oxygen masks and toilet seat covers. There are life vests for sponsoring a unlikely water landing. And nothing says the flight attendant uniforms couldn’t be logoed-up like stock car racers – or at least arena football players.
But wait. You know how you’re forced to listen to those credit card commercials during the fifteen minutes that you can’t use your electronic device? Don’t stop there. Every part of the flight can be branded, just like an NFL game:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking... our taxi to the runway today is brought to you by Cingular... moving!... forward! (sound of engineers roar) .... so sit back and relax for another toasty Quiznos take-off ... mmmm.... toasty!”
There’s a reason that in-flight advertising has become a billion dollar business. As one ad company brochure reminds us: “In nearly every measure, the in-flight audience does more, spends more and has more influence than does the average adult.”
So what are you waiting for, airlines? You’re just scratching the surface of the hostage-experience economy. Find new profits by selling space on everything that doesn’t move and most everything that does. Sure, it’s intrusive and annoying. Passengers will come to hate being exploited like captive consumers in a flying can.
But what are they going to do? Jump out?
You’ll just sell the rights to that, too. Ha ha. Ha.
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